Iowa City Press-Citizen from Iowa City, Iowa • Page 5

emphasis Saturday, June 24, 1978 low City Press-Citizen 5 A Who said it's a dog's life? They have problems, too Editor's note: The recent birth control controversy has touched even Starla Smith's imaginary dog. The following interview is a fanciful theory of what could happen should a canine ever need counseling. By STARLA SMITH Press-Citizen Reporter Come in madame, sit down. I mean Sit! Now, your first name? Lassie. Lassie.

Lassie what? Just Lassie. Very well. Age? Four and a half. How long have you lived in this county? You were born here, at home. Fine.

Now, Lassie, what seems to be the problem? "Woof." I'm sorry, but you'll have to speak a little clearer. Oh, um-hurh. You say you are tired of having babies twice a year, you're losing your shape, and you would like to develop a career. I'm sure we will be able to help. Now, have you taken our career guidance test and our personality placement evaluation? You haven't? Why don't you take these tests while I'm visiting with you.

But now to a more pertinent issue. Lassie, what are you doing about birth control? You're on the pill. What one? Isn't that one a little dangerous? Oh, you are not living with your husband. Where does he live? Down the block. I see.

Who takes care of the children? They're married and have homes of Edapuss. Isn't that Oedipus Rex? You think his name was King. I see. Well, Lassie, this Is a very interesting case. Let's go back to the question of birth control.

Have you tried staying in your own vard1 You Just can't help yourself. The desire comes over you and you're off and running. Running. I see. Have you tried taking a cold shower? You have but it makes you howl and then they come to you and your landlady gets upset.

I see. This is more serious than I first thought. Have you considered having surgery? You're allergic to penicillin. That is a problem, but there are new wonder drugs. You've wondered about them? You know, Lassie, you might consider group therapy.

You went last year, and that's how you met Prince's father. Lassie, I'm getting angry'- Don't you know moderation is where it's at? You must try to overcome these carnal desires. You aren't even attempting to remain celibate. Maybe you should just stay on the pill. You're developing varicose veins, that's why you can't run as fast as your ex-husband and the poodle.

Now, lassie, I see our time is up for today. I want you to go home and think about all that we have discussed. Try, really try. Lassie. See you next week.

Don't look at me that way, lassie. Keep away from me now. You understand. Woof, woof WOOF!" their own except for Prince. What about Prince? He's traveling? Just exactly how many children do you have, Lassie? Thirty? And they all have college educations? Isn't that just magnificent.

You must be very proud. Two are in the Peace Corps. One is a urologist. And one is running for pubic office. But why this problem with your husband? I'm very sorry, so sorry.

When did he first meet this poodle he is now living with? She was you very best friend. You used to jog together. And you couldn't run as fast? That is how it all started. Perhaps you are right, Lassie. A new-career would be just the thing for you.

Now I see by your test scores you are occasionally subject to violence. When did you first notice this? When your older sister used to take away your food. Lassie, do you suppose you are really in love with your father, and in every dog you meet, you try to find a father image? Oh, that does change things. You don't know who your father was. But don't you see, Lassie, you are constantly looking for an identity.

Oh, this is all becoming very clear to me. Now, just what did your last boyfriend look like? like Prince. I see. Do you happen to have a picture of Prince with you. Ah, yes, what a nice looking animal I mean, son you have.

Lassie, have you ever had incestuous desires toward your son? Now level with me if you can. You did until you read the play about births A son, Andrew Peter, was born Wednesday at Mercy Hospital to Mr. and Mrs. Dennis Click, 20 Gleason Drive. Starter fluid for grills can be deadly if not properly used who, where, when Agow Fellowship Mr.

and Mrs. Donald Netser, 3015 Pinecrest Road, are the parents of a son, Michael Wayne, born Wednesday at Mercy Hospital. A daughter, Janelle Marie, was born Monday at Mercy Hospital to Mr. and Mrs. James Neuzil, 39 Western Hills Estates.

Mr. and Mrs. Dean R. Shannon, 226 Washington Park Road, are the parents of a son. Ryan Patrick, born Tuesday at Mercy Hospital.

A daughter, Marcianna Lyn, was born Tuesday at Mercy Hospital to Mr. and Mrs. James Mize, 664 Hawkeye Court. A daughter, Erica Jean, was born Wednesday at Mercy Hospital to Mr. and Mrs.

Virgil Gooding, 1019 N. Dodge St. Mr. and Mrs. Rick Dhondt, 1603 Spruce are the parents of a son, Adam Russell, born Wednesday at Mercy Hospital.

An Oxford couple, Mr. and Mrs. Randy Eckel, are the parents of a daughter, Erin Marie, born Wednesday at Mercy Hospital. Women's Aglow Fellowship International will have a luncheon at 11 a.m. Tuesday at the Hoover House in West Branch.

Speaker will be Helen Martin, director of the New I ife Center in Des Moines. She is a graduate of the Omaha Bible Institute and Wheaton College and has done graduate work at the University of Minnesota. Reservations for the luncheon or babysitting are due by noon Monday with Gertrude Meade or Agnes Whitlow in Iowa City, Donna Peterson or Sallyann Dexter in West Branch. Babysitting is available at the United Methodist Church in West Branch. Elks Go fers Elks Ladies Golfers will have an invitational golf tournament at 8:30 a.m.

Tuesday at the club course. This week's winners were Dot Kellow and Des Miller. National Secretaries Members of Robert Lucas Chapter of the National Secretaries Association will meet at 6:15 p.m. Tuesday at the Iromnen Inn. Guest speaker will be Ruth Fisher, executive director of the Iowa Lions Eye Bank.

Retired Federal Employees Chapter 878 of the National Association of Retired Federal Employees will meet at 5 p.m. Wednesday in Shelter 1 at City Park. Each one attending is to bring table service, his or her own meat and a covered dish. By CUFF SMITH Gannett News Service Did you ever squirt more starter fluid onto the charcoal in your grill because the fire wasn't burning well enough? Consider what could happen before you do it again tliis cookout season. You could become a victim similar to the one described by Donald Hanson of Wellfleet, Mass.

The incident he reported in a letter to the Ridgefield (Conn.) Press has made the rounds of many fire departments all over the county: "I-ast week I saw a man die. He'd suffered unimaginable torture. Second and third-degree burns covered 40 percent of his body. For five days and nights he fought off the inevitable before he drew his last rasping breath. 'Old friends had spent the weekend at his house, and on Sunday night they were to have steak broiled on his outdoor grill.

When the coals did not fire quickly enough, he gave them another squirt from a large can of fluid. There was a vapor-full explosion. You may have seen one like it. There is a flash of light, but very little sound only an quick phfft, and it is all over. "This time it was not over.

As he released the thumb pressure on the can, a tiny bit of flaming vapor was sucked back into the can. It exploded. The bottom blew out and drenched him with flaming liquid. our town SAVE IMPROVE YOUR HEALTH 15 OFF THE CHAMPION JUICER ONLY 169" If you have a natural gas or liquefied petroleum (LP) gas grill, always be sure the lid is open before you stick the match into the hole to light the fire. "If the cover is closed, the grill could fill with gas and cause an explosion during the lighting," he said.

Propane and butane LP gases are much heavier than air and, if not dispersed by a breeze, will flow like lightweight, invisible water to the lowest available point and collect there. This could make it more susceptible to explosion from a spark. "You also must be careful about the way you carry a tank of LP gas," Randazzo said. "Banging one around could cause it to explode." Here are some other tips for getting the fire going safely and effectively: Start early. Give the coals 20 to 40 minutes to reach cooking temperature.

-Place grill away from buildings, dry grass and shrubs. Check wind direction to make sure smoke won't interfere with other yard activities. Stack briquets in a pyramid. They'll light faster if air can circulate around them. Ignite charcoal with an electric starter or place a wad of paper and pile of wood chips in the center bottom of grill and light with a match.

Coals are ready when covered with a gray ash. At night, coals will glow -Test fire temperature by holding your hand at cooking level over the coals, palm side down. If you can hold it there for 2 seconds, temperature is high, 3 seconds, medium-high, 4 seconds, medium and 5, low. Lower temperature on food by-raising cooking grid or spreading coals. -Raise temperature by tapping ash from coals and pushing them closer together.

Add coals at outer edge of hot coals. Avoid flare-ups caused by spattering fat by raising cooking grid or removing food and sprinkling coals with squirt gun or plant mister. To make cooking with charcoal as carefree as possible, line grill with heavy duty aluminum foil and spray cooking grid with non-stick cooking spray. To clean grilled-on foods from grid, sprinkle baking soda on a damp sponge and scour. Clean after each use.

"He rolled on the ground, got up quickly, ran toward the river, stumbled and fell, got up and hurled himself into the water. There was no scream. There was little sound of any kind. He said, 'Oh, my In less than 30 seconds it was over, and 30 minutes later he lay in a hospital bed, bandaged like a mummy. One of the purposes for which the lighter is sold is the starting of charcoal fires.

The still readable directions were clear. If used On charcoal, wait before you light it. Never add more after the fire is started. But how often have you followed these directions, if you have read them at all? "If you light charcoal this way, please don't ever invite me to a cookout at your house. I never want to see another man die." Philip Randazzo, community relations director of the Rochester, N.Y.

Fire Department, said he knows of numerous cases in which persons died or were badly burned after pouring lighter fluid onto a flame. First, wet the charcoal ith the fluid, then light it, he said. If it doesn't appear to be catchirfg, use a vacuum cleaner or other device that will blow air onto the embryo fire and help it burn brighter. Better yet, buy an electric fire starter, which you place under the charcoal. If your cookout is in a park, a fire-starting cube should do the trick.

"But once you've ignited the charcoal, never use the fluid again," Randazzo said. He also warned against wearing loose-fitting clothes around the grill. IiOiig-sleeved oven mitts and long-handled tongs give you added protection. Never use a grill indoors, including your garage, and don't place it near walls or under low ceilings of patios or porches, he said. "And never let your children light the fire," Randazzo added.

He said some people still use gasoline, one of the most volatile liquids you could use, for grill fires. "It could explode when you first light it," he said. Janis Boenker, 1108 Tower Court, has been elected first vice president of the Iowa State Chapter of the PEO Sisterhood. She is a member of local Chapter JF. Neighbors of Mr.

and Mrs. Michael G. Grisham, 405 S. Summit honored them at a farewell picnic Thursday at the home of Mr. and Mrs.

Emil Trott, 331 S. Summit SL The Grishams are leaving Monday for Westfield, N.J., here he has taken a position with Bell Laboratories. Mrs. Grisham was this year's winner of the Houghton award given to an adult who has returned to school. ALSO 15 OK OUR SANTO JUICER KOW $59.45 (While Supply Lts) If LADIES GENTLEMEN OUR BIG SEMI-ANNUAL i 7 A bootery 123-1 27 Downtown THE CHAMPION JUICER Used Throughout the World Compare these features with any other mm aives the hiqhest quality and quantity AT LAST, A WEIGHT LOSS PLAN SO EFFECTIVE, THOMPSON WILL REFUND YOUR FULL PURCHASE PRICE IF YOU DON'T LOSE WEIGHT is three-in-one machine; Juicer, Grater, Homogeniier.

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runs at slow speed, thereby preventing static or aeration. of extraction possible. runs smoothly and quietly; will not vibrate or hop. is durable and built to last not a toy. Juicer parts are 100 Dupont nylon and stainless steel completely neutral to all fruit and vegetable acids.

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